River has the Greenest Eyes

My son has the greenest eyes.

This is something I never expected. Blue. I expected blue. Maybe brown if I had married someone different. But he has beautiful green eyes. His Daddy's Eyes. 

They aren't a deep emerald green like the color of some bodies of water, or deep green of old growth forests. They are the green of the desert. A lighter brighter green, like the varying shades of cactus.

They gradate from yellow to a dark green rim with flecks and sparkles of pear.

This morning as I looked into his tear filled eyes, I saw him. My timeless and eternal River, complex and royal. His unexpected green eyes so familiar, as is my love for him. It existed before this life and will continue on after this one ends.

My son has the greenest eyes.

image via

Let there be Peace on Earth, and Let it begin with Me

I think it no coincidence that this was the talk, "The Canker of Contention" when I sat down to read in the morning. God peaks to us and I have insight in moving forward.  

"Through love of God, the pain caused by the fiery canker

 of contention will be extinguished from the soul. 

This healing begins with a personal vow: 

“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.” 

This commitment will then spread to family and friends and will bring peace to neighborhoods and nations."

"The Canker of Contention"

-President Nelson 1989

A Pilgrim in Pieces

I arrived a pilgrim in pieces

The desert greeted me with scented blooms; 

embraced me in warm red rock; 

and sand sweet bird songs in my ear.

Her hot breath became my hot breath.

Her fevered heat a healing balm 

mixed with pink sand poultice.

My caged heart slowed with space, 

set free by wildness. 

Black Hills 2018 : Day 1- Wind Cave & Custer State Park

Our first night we stayed at the State Game Lodge inside the Park. It was a really beautiful place to stay. We wandered around nearby to blow the car stink off us. The main visitor center was neat, loved the architecture. But the Peter Norbeck Education Center was amazing! The kids loved all the hands on displays. We stayed there for about over an hour. My favorite was watching the bird feeder and identifying the birds coming into to get a bite to eat; River and Skyler liked building a course for a rolling ball; And Robin happily played in the sandbox.

Image Via

The Next Day we got up and out the door and headed to Wind Cave National Park, a "hidden world beneath the prairie".  We did a walking tour where we entered through the natural entrance. It was really neat inside and the kids liked it, especially River. We learned about "box work" and "popcorn" formations. Robin liked saying "popcorn" and "echo". It was really kid friendly, but by the end, Robin was done. She just wanted to run around and touch everything. River earned his Junior Ranger badge and took the oath.  

After wards we drove the Wildlife loop in Custer State Park and visited the old death march- I mean hike, I took Skyler on the first time we visited 5 years ago. We didn't do the whole trail Just wandered in a little and stretched out legs.

Best part was venturing out on an unpaved road all by ourselves through fields of flowers and bison.  We unbuckled the kids and let them ride free with the window down. (Robin sat on sky's lap, remember riding around with no seatbelts as a little kid? those were the days". Sky and River explored the ponds and found all kids of stuff - turtles and Water snakes to name a few. At the top there was a Prairie Dog Village  with tons of the cute little critters. 

The Moab Half Marathon 2017

On March 18, 2017 I fulfilled a dream that has been brewing in me for almost 2+ years, 

I ran the Moab Malf Marathon. Yes, that's 13.1 miles.

I don't even really know where to begin to describe the experience, but sometimes the best way to find the words is to keep looking.

It was miraculous, transformative, healing, exhilarating, and difficult.

I let all the emotions and sensations of the moment wash over me as I ran beside the River of liquid Copper, and they ran the full spectrum. Cold to hot; joy to pain, camaraderie to solitude; weak to strong; excitement to exhaustion; disbelief to amazement. It was a race of Ying and Yang. I let it all wash over me, and run off behind me as I carried on to the rhythm of my own feet, my own breath, my own heart.
And all that was left was my salty sweat and overwhelming gratitude.

The one thing that never caught up to me was the doubt. The doubt that i wouldn't finish.
That sweep bus never had anything on me.

What a beautiful Course, a magical course! I made sure I ran with my head and eyes up. The Red Rock cliffs, the rolling Colorado River, and golden morning light were inspiring. I thought it was going to be all down hill, but it definitely wasn't. It had some long inclines and a killer hill from hell just after mile 9. But I faced that monster and others with a little from my girls SIA and Ke$ha.

By Mile 11, something changed and all I could think about was my cute family waiting for me at the finish. River was so excited to run the last bit of the race and cross the finish line together. He loved the idea of us running the race together and winning. I had left him the bag tag part of my bib so he could wear it. Knowing he was there carried me through that last and most difficult mile. I searched the sidelines for them as I came down the last stretch and my heart jumped as I saw him squeeze between the barriers and we ran and crossed the finish line together hand-in-hand. We both got metals and River that was really cool, so cool he took it with him to show and tell the next week.

I couldnt' have done any of this with out Skyler. He was so supportive and cleared any obstacles that stood in my way, giving up multiple saturdays so that I could spend hours running in the basement watching Project Runway. He's incredible and I am so grateful for him and to him!!

I can do great things. I can do hard things. I can be a wonderful and engaged mom and still follow dreams and have adventures that are not only mine, but mine to share with my little family.

Here are my stats:

Overall I was 1384th

Of all the women I was 775th

In my age division I was 110th

My offical clock time was 2h44m00s

My chip time wa 2h41m20s

my average mile time was 12m18s

I am female.

I am 33.

And I did it!

I am triumphant.

That night as I was laying in bed in our hotel room,

I began looking up options for a next race.

After 13.1 miles, I didn't feel quite done yet. 

Robin Hope Turned 1!!

"A One-year-old child is so many things --
A tiny discoverer of butterfly wings,
A hugger of Teddies,
A sweet sleepyhead,
And someone to dream for in bright years ahead..."

-Anonymous 

Our little Robin Hope is officially 1 year old!!

She weighs 18lbs (23%) and is 27.5 inches tall (4%). 

Robin has such a fun personality; a wonderful mix of happy, stubborn, so so sweet, unbelievably smart, incredibly mischievous, wonderfully independent, super friendly and  extremely funny. She is so strong and so lovable. Most times I find myself just watching her and laughing, but really I never know what she's going to do next. She is full of surprises and keeps us all on our toes. 

Shortly after turning 11 months she began walking. Now, she's no longer a crawler that occasionally walk, or even a walker that occasionally crawls. She's a skilled walker that even takes off running. She still has spills and tumbles, but she hardly if ever cries. She picks herself up in stride and keeps going after whatever it was she was chasing. She's a very determined and focused girl. She keeps her eyes on the prize, especially if that prize is an open dishwasher, an open door to the potty, or chasing after her older brother.

Robin is very coordinated. I was laughing as I filled out the 1 year questionnaire for the doctor becasue (not to brag, but) she was so much more advanced than the questions asked. Its kind of funny and strange seeing someone so small be so physically capable. She's a climber. She climbs up the oven door in efforts to play with the gas knobs (errr). She's not content helping with dishwashing unless she's climbed up and into the dishwasher. She loves loves loves going outside in the backyard and running around all over and climbing up and down the deck steps. At church, sitting is not an option. This girl wants to run up and down the aisles, halls, and stairs. I am in primary, so now it's Skyler's problem, uh i mean blessing. :) He's exhausted after wrangling for 2 hours. I have had so many people come and talked to me about how cute Robin is and they love watching her antics during Sunday School.

Robin spends most of her free time, cruising around the house finding things to entertain herself with: the tupperware cabinets, pots and pans, windows and curtains, night-lights and plugs (errr), Charlie's balls and food dish, River's inventions, and occasionally her toys. She does love to sit and look at books. 

Robin does the funniest things. One of which is she loves to climb and lay all over Skyler. When he's done with work he will come up and play with the kiddos. This usually entails him getting down on the ground to play with them and, ends up with him laying down, giving Robin full access. She excitedly runs over with her hands waving excitedly in the air. When she gets their she flips around and throws herself in a backward swan dive on top of Skyler, her cute little body arching playfully over his tummy. And she laughs and wiggles and giggles and is so happy. Of course River gets in on the action, and Skyler is at the mercy of these two smitten kids. Robin usually takes advantage of Skyler being pinned down. She wanders around to his head and sits down on his face and starts bouncing. Its really really funny. I need to video it for the archives.

Robin says Mama and Dada, and we're working on Brother, especially River. It's so sweet how he tries to coax her into saying things. Those two together are so cute. They get each other giggling and laughing. They are almost inseparable. If Robins not in sight, River asks where she is. If River leaves the room, it's not long before Robin is cruising around trying to find him. She waves byebye, pretends to talk on her phone. To express her love she gives leans, where she leans her head in to rest on yours. River loves when she does that. Ok, really we all do.

Robin is cuddly and sweet. She gets very emotional and dramatic. She loves to play and explore. She's confident yet quite. She loves people and smiles and flirts with just about everyone. She can't get enough of her dad, her brother, and her dog. I love her to death. My heart has only grown bigger with my daughter and my joy and hope deepened. I know my hard work and sleepless nights are some doing good. 

It's hard to sum up Robin in a nutshell. She is and does so many things. I love the baby stage, and there are a lot of things i miss. But this is the stage I love because they really are becoming their own person and exploring the world and who they are. It's amazing. And I love Robin more and more everyday!! I want to remember everything, her freshly washed hair, her crazy toenails, how she lays her head down on my shoulder when she's tired, how she calls mama and follows me around the house all day. I love how she eats saltine crackers and sits in my lap when i am sitting indian style. I want to remember the sound of her laugh when she's playing with River, and how she lights up when Skyler comes home. I want to remember wrestling her anytime i have to change her diaper or clothes and she gets bored. There's so much to remember, so much to treasure. Perhaps it all gets woven into the fabric of our souls, and the makeup of our being. Thus becoming eternal and forever ours. I hope so. 

Happy First Birthday Robin Hope!!

Robin Hope : 10 Months

Our little RoRo the explorer is 10 months old, and explorer is a perfect description of her right now. With her perfected crawling, climbing, and pulling-herself-up-on-everything skills - this girl is exploring her environment every day. Her latest endeavor is to play in the kitchen opening the cupboards pulling everything out and climbing in. The tupperware and mixing bowls never stood a chance. She spent a few hours at a friends house the other day and learned how to go upstairs. She's so curious about everything. I was really proud of her when we were visiting the Oregon Coast a couple weeks ago. She loved playing in the sand and on the rocky beaches. She had no hesitations and got down and dirty, crawling and digging and basically having a ball.

I can't believe how quickly she's changing. I can't keep up as she's blazing through all these different stages. They grow and develop so much in the first year. I feel like I am getting to know her better everyday.

Now Robin comes when you call her, crawling excitedly to you. When she wants you to pick her up, she climbs up your legs to standing, which is tricky when I am wearing a skirt and comical when she climbs up on River. He always says, "Uh, I need a little help here," not quite sure what to do. She's about 3/4 of his height already. 

She's becoming so much more social and interactive. She laughs and giggles and plays with us. It's so fun. And her smile is the Best! She laughs and smiles when I sing and dance for her, and when we dance together. We all love our little Robin. She's such a funny, wild sweetheart. I could spend all day watching the funny things she does, like pulling the garbage can over on herself, getting stuck underneath a drawer she pulled out, teasing Charlie with one of his bones, or vigorously swinging around one of her toys. She loves to splash wildly in the bath tub. It's becoming quite the wrestling match to keep her from slipping and sliding all around. But she loves it.

I love her full cheeks and kiss them endlessly. I love her thickening soft hair, bright blue eyes, and plump little hands and fingers.

10 months, that was fast. 

We love you RoRo!